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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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