You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
