i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
