k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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