Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
