JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
