Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
