john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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