Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
