cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
