So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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