dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
