Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
