i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
