I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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