No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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