There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
