Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They took my balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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