You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
