somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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