I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
