the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
