oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this boner is exhausting
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize