i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
