he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
