I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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