you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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