you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
