I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
