So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
