Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
