She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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