Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
