I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
