Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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