i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
