I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We have started to decorate penises.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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