His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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