and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
