That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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