Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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