im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
