I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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