I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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