i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
