I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
