my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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