we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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