Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want a musical about memes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
