Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
