I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
