your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
