My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
