She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my shit smells like andre
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
