Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
