To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
