I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
