youre lurking in front of me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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