and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
