Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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