Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
