I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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