I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
