I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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