no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
