I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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