Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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