VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
