she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
only if we run a train.
done.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
