dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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