i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize