What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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