hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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