They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
