if i can run in heels then i can drive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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