i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
