Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
